Go out and Give that ‘HUG’

Author Rekha Gupta

A couple of years back My daughter and I were having our usual much sought after evening stroll, when we bumped into one of her friends. She happily mentioned , that it was her birthday and I instantly hugged her ,kissed her forehead and wished her a blessed birthday . This according to me was very basic and a small gesture but to my utter surprise, she was totally overwhelmed & teary eyed for a few minutes after which she said, ‘’Aunty this is my happiest birthday as no one has ever wished me like this before, with so much love and  affection’’. This incident left me wondering and amused at several levels a) We as a family believe a lot in verbalising and physical expression of shoulder pats and hugs, , hence I believed it to be a pretty normal thing b) The friend who lives in an extended joint family of  10 members and above should be spoilt silly, no? . I did ask her aloud , how or why was she never hugged by any of her family members, to which ,shrugging her shoulders she said , probably that’s not the culture in her family. By now I was getting even more surprised & I was like,- who sets the culture, this kid here totally demonstrated the basic human need to be constantly reminded of love and care beyond words– thats it , that should set the culture!

This incident stayed with me for so long , I am genuinely curious. Whats the shyness about? What constricts us? Till the age of 3-5 years  ,we openly, unabashedly, hug our children, kiss them constantly without any care in the world. Then when exactly do we become so inhibited or shackled by social norms that we suddenly stop this small , but believe me a very powerful emotion. Not just parent-children, Im talking about expression in all relations in a family, be it siblings of all age groups, spouses? Do you remember the last time you gave your child or your sister or brother that big teddy hug? C@Rg

If you think deeper the word EMOTION constitutes   E + MOTION = Energy + Motion = Life in motion and Emotions are what sustains life .

Everyone craves for affection and love, as it’s a universal need. There is no denying that, it needs acceptance and positive reaffirmations. From my personal experience, I feel I am the person I am because of the love of my Grand Parents and Parents. Im sure that every parent loves their child as much but that’s the point we are arriving at here , that one should be more vocal and expressive about ones emotions, all the time .  My Dada used to call me ‘’Devi’’ instead of my nick name Baby. He never tired of telling one and all that I was a blessing, that’s how vocal he was of his feelings. My parents couldn’t stop telling me that I was a blessing bestowed upon them by god in answer of their prayers of 10 years. They wouldn’t tire of verbalising OR by hugging me several times during the day and me loving it to bits. Their love and hugs are deeply embedded in my nervous system building my self esteem each moment ,making me the person I am .Im sure ,I carry this tradition forward to my family and rightfully so. Expressing your love all the time makes the child /or any relation for that matter, feel wanted , accepted no matter what. People may not say it, but they may be feeling low and moody and a simple hug can change all that in just seconds. Since my childhood, I have been in a blissful state , so content till date as their love has filled my life with all of life’s rainbow hues ,never wanting anything more ever. Such is the power of this emotion called LOVE and its expression. Im not sure if I could have handled the up’s and downs that life throws without the power of love and its expressions via hugs .

Incase this has all become too sugary for you or too cliched, here are more reasons to convince you– Lack of expression of love in ones life either by parents ,siblings, spouse or children-that is to say in a family, can take one downhill to innumerous addictions , clinical depressions, effecting mental health ,sometimes to the point of no return. Lack of expression of love via Hugs can leave a growing child not only under developed but under confident with innumerable issues .

Love created and given by even one person is a blessing , enough to give you that extra confidence and sustainability in life. Love has the power that gives you the power to face the odds and challenges. Love gives meaning and purpose to your life thus enriching your life. When one receives love ,it also teaches one to give love liberally, thereby making one more kind , compassionate and an empathising being. Love is the only treasure, that can keep one in a constant state of bliss and contentment. I am sure you are all secretly thinking that obviously you do love your family. But sometimes just loving is not enough. It needs an Expression. We all feel these emotions of care, affection and love at all times in varying degrees but then why have we stopped expressing them. What is the point of feeling something and not letting it reach the person it is created or felt for  ?

Multiple studies have documented the need of human touch and its benefits. A simple touch triggers release of positive chemicals , a body’s natural pain killer which is Endorphins that are neuro transmitters produced to relieve both physical and mental pain , making you a happier person . Another is Oxytocin which when released, fills one with trust , bonding ,acceptance thereby correcting ones’ mood and feelings thus making one an emotionally and physically a stronger person.

I do understand in some families its not regarded as proper to be touching and hugging, but if you ask me, its truly an outdated & sad tradition that was laid down probably a few generations before by someone who then thought it to be best for his family ‘that time’. Now is the time to change and make hug and important and acceptable form of love. There should be just one underlying thought that I have felt affection and love so I have to express it too. It’s a divine emotion that nourishes ,enriches and believe me is a life changing emotion. Do you all remember Munnabhai MBBS,- lovely movie, great acting, but the underlying thought?: Jadoo ki Jappi 😇

Sometimes when a million words fail , a Hug can do the magic!

So lets hug it out !

Author Rekha Gupta