Time To stop Living In Your Head!

Author Rekha Gupta

You don’t believe that right? Or you may think this is for the over thinkers…ha…not for me….But what if I tell you that 90% of the times most of the people are actually living in their heads, which in real sense does not mean simply engaging with your thoughts occasionally or in excess but several other things as well . Ever rehearsed an interview over and over again in your head. What about imagining situations, good or bad and prepping mentally for them. A certain gesture or a long befitting reply to someone , excessive planning for a dinner party, well well, these are all glaring examples of living in your head. As long as so much mental living is enhancing the efficiency and quality of your life, it may be good . But unfortunately you will be surprised again , that any amount of time spent in your head is sheer wastage of time and energy.

Most of us are so so engaged in the bubble life we have created in our head, that we are merely existing in the real life.(instead of living it) . Our mind, keeps us so engaged at all times that we are either entwined in remembering past experiences or constantly thinking in anticipation about future scenarios.

Constant thoughts that the mind is creating, some 60000 in a day, outnumber the number of thoughts that the mind is actually supposed to create – only 60 in a day. Thats a huge gap now- almost like a ‘Traffic Jam of Thoughts on the Mind’ . This kind of excess thoughts leave no room for the relevant thoughts pertaining to the present. Energy is required to create thoughts but cacophony of thoughts is the reason why most of us wake up exhausted every morning instead of rejuvenated & energised. More the thoughts more the depletion of energy. Harmless thoughts from day to day life incidents for a limited time is quite okay, it is the ”clinging to past and hinging on future” that becomes toll taking and worrisome.C@Rg

Not able to live in the present and simply letting this present moment slip by is sad.

Time and again we come across people who are physically present with us , making a conversation, with an occasional laugh too- yet are mentally miles away , this my friends is living in the your head. Its a struggle to have a dialogue with such a person, forget about making a connection at any level.

How may of us have experienced typical home scenarios where our kid comes running to us with some problem/question/excitement but we brush them away simply because we are busy…not actually doing something but thinking(read living) in our head about an important meeting on Monday? How many meals have we simply gulped down while existing elsewhere..How many times? and how many of us ? Perhaps each one of us and may many times in our life have done similar harmless gestures.

More often than not, living in head is a constant INTERNAL DIALOGUE ,mostly a sign of either holding on to past ( sad memories) or worrying about future. As cliched as this may sound, if not actively worked upon, will take away a beautiful experience of living life in the present.

IF YOUR PAST IS STILL NIPPING AT YOUR HEELS THEN READ ON….

Past never really is past as it leaves impressions forever, memories are imprinted on the mind that reappear time and again .We remain connected, sadly mostly to painful memories .We would not remember when an how an acquaintance hurt us but we remember when a loved one / close one hurt us. Reason is the deep emotional connect, stronger the bond ,stronger the pain.

When you hold resentment towards someone you get ’emotionally handcuffed’ to that person and the invisible link is stronger than steel that makes you suffer as you ‘remain connected via mind and thoughts’. So even when meetings & verbal communication stops ,the pain and negativity reaches out to both via thoughts thereby causing constant friction between both that keeps a pained relationship alive, holding you imprisoned for a life of pain . Without us even realising, we remain connected and trapped in a negative emotional loop.C@Rg

The emotional loop I talk about is created by the constant living in our head. Think about it – An unpleasant incident happened and yes ” a loved one said something or did something to hurt me” , but he hurt me only ONCE in the past whereas by living in my head and constantly thinking about that one incident, I am hurting myself REPEATEDLY . I recreate that past scene all over again in my mind and relive it ,actually as of now, I am solely responsible for recreating that much extra pain to myself.C@Rg

The more repetitive it is, the more indelible the impression becomes over the years.Thoughts with emotions get embedded in the system. Believe me ,it doesn’t make any difference to the person who hurt you but you alone is the one who suffers with energy levels dipping constantly, believing it to be normal as every one around seems to be suffering too with their own pains & renunciations. Its anything but not normal cause ”now this is self created or rather self inflicted” .

Problem is the pain & negativity that is constantly and gradually changing you as a being ,changing your viewpoint towards life thereby changing your overall personality thus affecting & impacting all those who love you.They too suffer along mostly in silence hoping its temporary and soon you shall be your earlier person . How soon no one knows except you .Neither fair to yourself nor to all those who love you.

The painful past pollutes our Present too , why wallow endlessly in your emotions ? One negative thought on the mind pollutes all other positive thoughts, like …one piece of fruit if left by chance in the kitchen ,rots and first fills the kitchen with bad odour then the entire house.”You have to decide and make a choice now” , as to of what good is it to hold on to a past painful incident and more important is, for HOW LONG you wish to HOLD ON TO IT ? A few months , year or a life time ? It was an incident ,a moment that passed . It came as a lesson and is meant to be treated as only that . Not a life sentence pronounced to be imprisoned to that hurt for life.Do not regret people who you loved and believed in .Shows you are a loving soul with such a core INNER strength.The giving soul is always the bigger one in every respect .You can certainly learn from that experience.Once its over in your mind ,you will be surprised that your thoughts for them ,if any are purely empathetic……

Think about several such past incidents that you have held on to and the collective damage they are doing to your complete being. Scary no?

Mind is charismatic and powerful and can be switched in a second from negative to positive. Resolve the past in your mind and let go of it. And when you drop all the past painful incidents, then its over ,as you have opened the handcuff from your side to be FREE again , its really this simple ,try it .Now you have dropped the excess toxic waste that you were carrying.C@Rg

Problems seem daunting because of a racing mind whereas a calm mind with fewer thoughts can see clearly and thinks realistically thereby enables one to focus on solutions.One has to experience the stillness of a calm mind ,it cannot be described in words like the fragrance of a flower has to be experienced but cannot be described.

We do everything possible to drop the excess body weight but we do not even realize that the mind too needs to drop all that excess weight of past pained thoughts.

HOW TO RECLAIM THE PRESENT AND BE AT PEACE

Its not a wish that may be fulfilled ,its an act of willingness to go step by step , to be constantly aware of your thoughts .The first and the most challenging step is to accept your past as you had no control over it then nor can you do anything about it now, so stop resisting it . Accept it and embrace it with gratitude .

Now It is time to be free and to reclaim my present. Memories: mostly very good, few not so good – however now is the time to choose. And I choose to remember only THE GOOD ONES, as I am the one who benefits the most.I have a choice- either to remember the pained memories to remain irritated , angry & frustrated thereby depleting my energy further OR to be positive and empowered by the good memories.C@Rg

Remember emotions like Respect,Trust and Love is not conditions apply nor a commodity that can be exchanged. Never meant for two people to do it together and in exact equal quantity.One person has to do it ,its here in my mind and thoughts and when I create any emotion ,I am the first one to feel and experience its beauty thereby i benefit the most.

You have to DELINK ,the invisible link from your side and you are free, that is you will create NO negative thoughts in future about any person, incident or memory.

If one is not okay with consuming stale food then how is it okay to be consuming negativity & pain ? It is like slow poisoning , first the mind then the body too. The body is so beautifully designed that it throws out stale food on its own but now I need to learn and practice of my own to immediately change the INTERNAL DIALOGUE from negative pained thoughts to happy & positive ones. This is self control , a mastery of my thoughts because if i cannot control what i think then i cannot control what i do.

Needs regular introspection for the more you know yourself the lesser you will care for others approval . By forgiving them you will actually FREE yourself thus you will do a favour to yourself . To let go and to forgive is the attribute of strong .To forgive means; ‘they are no more on my mind ,all accounts closed from my side’.C@Rg

Investment into self is top priority and is always rewarded . Spending some time alone each day, taking long walks alone help to be in the present ,creating silence within, experiencing & enjoying all that nature has endowed on you, allows to focus on how to evolve further. Gift yourself the gift of sound health ,luxury of self confidence and treasure of contentment. The realisation of how much you already have to be gratetful for cause Gratitude is the very foundation of all virtues such as: contentment, peace, joy, love, faith and courage. C@Rg

Life is too beautiful to spend another day at war with yourself be it for any reason, so be your own best friend to, counsel and answer your mind immediately so as to silence the conflict within.

Its tougher if we are with people who are constant reminders , and try as much to surround yourselves with positive people.

Choose to withdraw from people who are constantly judging ,critisizing ,poking, evaluating your every move with preconceived notions ,who run you down just to feel better about themselves ,They are not worthy of selfless love ,sensitivity, care,& empowerment .Sounds harsh, but this is the most important and the toughest choice that needs to be made . To make sensible choices in relations, which ones to nurture, which ones to be patient with, and which ones to move on from after having given them multiple chances. Why & for how long can you energise someone with love and care who is hell bent on draining your energy .

Recognise unjust behaviour to disallow it by Setting emotional and physical boundaries , unfriend on social media first and if not understood then verbalise it ,stop meetings completely. Being good is not enough ,its time you cut him loose .No one should be allowed to chip your Emotions or Dignity. Know your time and energy’s WORTH. As depletion of energy is a LUXURY that none can afford .

You are unique and here for a purpose, more important is to to recognize that purpose.The love of doing what your conscience believes to be right for the greater world around you ,A world that you love so much .Step into the Present moment with a more compassionate and loving heart than ever before .Never to loose faith in the ”Power Of Love” that defines you, for the person you truly are.C@Rg

We cannot undo what has been done but we can always make the the next step better.

May sound delusional to some but worth a try , revisit all the photo albums and each pic unfolds moments of happiness again that is so Energizing & Contagious.This is your real past not a few stray incidents that you have allowed to overpower your happy past as well as your present.

One who forgives is the strongest and the One who forgets is the happiest . I was wronged then, Why should I forgive ? Why should I forget ? Many more why’s ? Not worth remembering any of the why’s for all that matters is my present.

Rise and shine with optimism and faith for a better today & tomorrow.

Thinking about Future ?

By now Im sure all of you have a got a zest and will agree that ‘Thoughts Are Not Facts’. While setting goals for future, financial, personal or on whatever front is perfectly normal, very soon we do end up slipping into worries about uncertainties that the future holds for us…right? We need to firstly really calm that racing mind to be able to distinguish between real and imaginary issues.. thinking in excess about your future drains energy, comparable to a dripping tap that eventually will drain if not turned off .

Worry is insidious and its important for us to be able to distinguish a whether a thought is ”worry or concern”. Concern is realistic that needs to be addressed whereas worry is imaginary, problems that arise out of over thinking or fear . How can there be any real solution to a surreal problem? A real situation invariably will get us in an action mode and we start planning for a solution. It is the countless worries that will never have a solution.C@Rg

My future depends completely on my present that is ‘How i as a Being is in the Present’ so will be my future. The future is purely based on the present moves . I have the power to change my FUTURE, by changing how I think, speak and act now in the Present. To be extremely attentive of my present karm so as not to hurt anyone via my thoughts ,words or actions.

CONCLUSION: Lastly many of you may say that with so much negativity brewing around us all the time, we are bound to get sucked into panic ,fear and other negative emotions. It is hard to remain positive and is mostly easier said than done. To this I have a very easy, much emphasized, and almost cliched 1 word answer- GRATITUDE. No matter how difficult and challenging times are, a prayer, a conversation with your ”Supreme Power”, always expressing gratitude can work wonders for that racing mind. We all think we will do it, we may practise it also for a few days , but the key is a daily & consistent practise of gratitude.

Also in certain situations you will realise that while you seek advise from your loved ones, you do ultimately go by your own instinct to take a decision as gratitude somehow bestows that power of clarity of mind. Be righteous however difficult it may seem initially and you may be daunted by the fact that you are the only one standing alone on the righteous path but remember its each ones journey alone and so are the consequences ( future ) of the choices that you make now in the present.C@Rg

Past and future are mere mind constructs . The only reality is the Present. And living in the present is living out of your head…..Freedom comes as our ”life in the head becomes inconsequential” and our ”experience of the present moments predominates to be at peace again”.

Author Rekha Gupta