Can We Give Up Being Judgemental

Author Rekha Gupta

“Within the first twenty seconds of meeting someone, our brain makes 11 different impressions about them including their intelligence, socioeconomic status, education, competence and trustworthiness,” This is a subconscious process people cannot seem to control. You most likely won’t be able to detect many signs during these twenty seconds.

There are positive judgments, too. If you saw someone give food to a homeless person, you would instinctively make a positive judgment about his or her character. Judging only becomes a problem when we make unnecessary, hurtful or unfair judgments based on little evidence. C@RG

While across the globe, people seem to handle this trait well with their good manners, wisdom, education whatever– it certainly is on the rise as a very damaging & annoying trait amongst us . We judge constantly, inadvertently, involuntarily and shamelessly and sometimes with a sense of entitlement. 😣 It is so deeply conditioned that we don’t even realise that we judge and ruthlessly so. because it is only we as a community that are always dying to judge, not able to resist , always ready with our snide remarks & opinions.

Judgement has many variations within this, the silent ones, the verbal ones and the aggressive ones, and even the community ones. (‘shaadi nai ho rahi hai, koi problem hai’- Sounds Familiar??😆). This thing is wrong at so many levels. We talk about anger management and various other negative emotions like jealousy /stress etc from time to time. How come no one talks about Judging . In fact I wonder if people even realise its a strong negative emotion. The feeling that I get is ,it is considered natural , harmless normal, to judge...

Judging is not as simple as it sounds . We begin by judging in our own house, what are kids wear, how they behave in their growing up years, how much marks they get , for girls even more difficult, how they dress in their teens, how they are supposed to carry themselves. We do all this and Why? For the fear of being judged by society? Again judge? So this really is a vicious cycle. Imagine the effect this harmless judging results in constant nagging to kids, we have indirectly taught them to further judge , and also to be afraid of society’s discriminating judging eyes. All the brilliant education goes for a toss, if this is the precedent we are setting. This reminds me of my own growing up years. I was a very average student in studies ,to say the least. I went to one of Delhi’s best school ”Modern School : Barakhambha Road” and despite my average marks ,-My parents, let alone reprimand me, never ever had a trace of embarrassment on their face. I actually used to wonder why my peers were always berated for less marks. However this gesture of my parents went a long way as I ascribe my confidence and personality solely to their non judgemental attitude towards all their kids. There were rules and no fear of society’s kind of do’s and dont’s. This freedom from society’s shackle is very very pertinent for a growing child in a country like ours. Let us first free our children.

This constant fear of being judged, undermines ones personality. It takes away from one, the freedom to Be. Just be. It takes away clarity to assess and decide for yourself , what works for you , because some where, you are always thinking about others reaction and each one reacts differently. Not humanly possible to please all, at all times. It takes away your peace and a little happiness each time you decide to do something different but are unable to.

Now lets talk about outside our homes. It begins with a harmless gaze. Please understand looking at people in resturants/malls/public areas for more than 2 seconds is not cool, people. (Abroad, it is in fact considered downright rude and an invasion to privacy.) This gaze if lasts longer  than 2 seconds, which it will, I promise, what begins to form is a mental perception called?? Any guesses? Yes please  ‘judging’. The person you are staring at is already uncomfortable, your vibe reached him/her. If its someone known, you may even comment, as a joke or seriously, but you have ruined something here. Remember a joke is meant for everyone’s laughter,not just yours.

We ourselves don’t liked to be judged yet we always do it ourselves. Some sure shot things you could practise to avoid and give up this habit

Stop Staring : Yes, nip it in the bud. No stare- No judge- problem solved

Be mindful

Educate yourself

Feel good about yourself

Give a benefit of doubt( huge)

Think of your behaviour constantly.

Judging to leads to poor relations, gossip ,depletion of mental energy and not to forget wrong karma done and all the other unnecessary things. Think of all the value additions and benefits if you let go of this trait. This feeling of letting go, will make you feel liberated. Lighter and a happier person. Happier because you let go of a negative judgemental trait . If you haven’t guessed it by now, judging others is a sign of your own weakness, your personal insecurities, low self esteem, enviousness. Remember , Judging someone defines YOU , not them. Hence let go of this trait now and do yourself and others a huge favour.C@Rg

From Sacred Shri Bhagwat Gita- Main swaym ko jaanta nahin swaym ko pehachanta bhi nahin, lekin doosray kaise hain yeh main acchay say jaanta hun !

Author: Rekha Gupta